How Being a Non-Spanish Speaking Latina Shaped My Latin-focused Candle Business

Why don’t I speak Spanish as a Latina? Simple. I had to deeply assimilate in my hometown and my community to be accepted as an American. Let me explain.

I was raised inside of one of America’s most segregated suburbs, Long Island, New York. Long Island is currently a byproduct of historical and ongoing structural racism. Before 1968 there were clauses in deeds where a white person could not sell to anyone who wasn’t Caucasian. Parkways and bridges were designed to be kept low so buses could not fit. That means, people of color would not be able to come out of New York City and enjoy the beaches, shopping malls, vineyards, farms, and all the amenities Long Island has to offer.

My parents immigrated from El Salvador (my mom in 1977 at 10 years old and my father in 1986 at 19 years old) and actively decided not to teach me Spanish in fear of discrimination and racism. My mom faced constant bullying and racism in school as she was learning English and my father faced hostility in his various workplaces in mechanics. For many Hispanic and Latin parents, not teaching their American children Spanish is a calculated choice with the goal to make it easier for their children to assimilate into ‘White American’ culture. They didn’t want the same for me and they were right.

I was constantly taunted for being Latina in my predominantly white school district. I grew up with the rise of MS-13 and couldn’t disclose my ethnicity or my parents country of origin. I couldn’t wear my hair naturally curly because students threw whatever they could into my hair. I couldn’t speak Spanish because any attempt was met with laughs and humiliation.

I didn’t have the words to describe what I was feeling as a child - shame.

After leaving my hometown did I begin exploring my identity in college. I began wearing my hair naturally curly, left the U.S. for the first time, and met people outside of my background and culture. I took back my narrative and began the lifelong journey of reclaiming my Latin & Salvadorian roots.

In the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic I was shopping for products that spoke to my identity and who were Latin-owned. At the same time, burning candles was always my form of self-care and I didn’t see myself represented in mainstream candles. I wanted to proudly create a brand that was a melting pot of U.S. Latin culture with scents like Cafecito Con Leche, Coquito, Lavender Fabulosa and more.

I know how painful it is to feel like you’re not from where you’re from. No soy ni de aquí, ni de allá. Navigating language, culture and heritage is a challenge no matter if you’re a recent immigrant or born in the U.S. Language and birthplace doesn’t define Latinidad. Eres capez y suficiente.